London, England, November 1, 2005

October felt like an intense month for me. Strong bursts of energy coming through, not always comfortable, and not always grounded, followed by periods of exhaustion or illness.

I'm doing a lot of meditation, and bringing stability to my body through contact with nature and my breathing. I bring attention to a point about 3 inches below my navel, and breathe deeply into that place.

Health issues, money issues and addictions seem to be 'up' these days.

Recently, a friend wrote: "We are all addicted to something! And we can choose not to be in each moment."

I answered:

I'm not so sure it is this simple - just to choose not to be addicted.

It might be possible to choose not to do some of our automatic actions. Being automatic is not quite the same as being addicted. There is a subtle difference, and perhaps not so subtle.

In my experience with myself and others, once the neurons and particular chemicals/ biological process of the body/brain system are wired in a particular way, then it is not a matter of simply choosing not to be addicted.

However, it is often possible to bring more awareness to the process. Each time there is awareness, we 'rewire' the body/mind back into balance.

Presence is a wonderful too for addiction rehabilitation.

Sometimes more drastic measures are needed, as many ex heroin addicts can attest to.

And sometimes, simply, the grace of God comes in.

If we let it.

Perhaps we do not actually have the ability to choose our acts. Perhaps we can only surrender to love, and with each surrendering, more love comes in. In this space, we are held and healed.

Healing may not mean being over the addiction.
Healing may not mean being over the illness.
Healing may not mean living as opposed to dying.

For me, healing has manifested as an infusion of joy, an infusion of light. In this light, there is nothing else that 'really' matters - no addiction, no illness, no emotional or physical suffering.

The light is like an overwhelmingly gentle container, loving everything that exists within and without it.

I don't even have to make a choice of where to put my attention, in the force of this light. It is simply turned there, effortlessly.