MEDITATIONS AND VISIONS

December 17, 2005

My meditations yesterday during the day and evening were not so full of images as before.

In a way I had a feeling the 'work was done' at least for now. What I did feel was a need to move, to stretch and make sounds, that the energy wants to be shifted around.

My body is still 'unwell', but I moved and stretched and hummed. A little better on waking this morning.

The sense I had also was of a kind of vortex, that had 'stops' in it, as if things are moving in on themselves, and out and stopping, and going back again.

And again and again, I felt that there is such a 'call' to keep putting attention on the non-personal. By this I mean not to pay attention to the programming you have. In one of my meditations I felt 'invited' to go through, one by one all the 'key events' in my life that I've held onto, or remembered, or felt were significant. I didn't really think about them - I didn't 'choose' them, I just let them come up of their own accord.

Every so often I found myself wandering off into some other 'idea' of myself or some other story ("will I have enough time to do all the things I need to do today?" for example), and again I was invited back to go through the events. It didn't take long, about 20 minutes or so. Just to be with them. I didn't do anything with them, but I had a feeling of a deeper letting go of each one.

I'm feeling gentle today, not very strong in body.
One step at a time.

I notice around me a trying so hard to be different, and believing that we have control. That we must and therefore can move on; that we need to find our way back to Love.

I do see us moving on, always, perhaps not quite in the way the words imply.

We take the next step, wherever this leads us, even if back to where we were.

Do we really have a choice in this?

I do sense that there is movement, that something amazing is happening,

That we are all unfolding.

And I sense that we are just part of something much bigger. We can let go a little. (Or, even this, do we have control over?)

Do we know that anything along the way is not part of the journey to the highest good, whatever that is?

Perhaps there are no bumps along the way, perhaps there is no need to remember to move on, or to think that we have the power to stop what we do, or take it seriously or not seriously even.

Perhaps, rather, to give up to something much bigger than ourselves, to let ourselves float in the river, without struggling.

And even this, is it up to us? Is the struggle part of the river, like the little eddies and ripples around the sticks and rocks?

Perhaps there is only one word to be said, only one word to remember:

love