Dear Sandra,

I believe I have found my passion, and I have had some amazing experiences which are somehow enough for this life if I were to die. But I have such ambition, and I have lots to come, lots of big dreams.

I'm an actor - my life is the stage, that is where my home is.

Everything else is secondary.

So - here is what I'm wondering about. I have temporarily lost my ability to have fun, and that is because I spend so much time with myself. I love being with people. In my pursuit of my passion, I have let go of many things, including some of my connections.

Of course, I'd like to have it 'all' but perhaps this is not possible?

I want to be famous. I wish to bring my life to the world. I have many talents which can bring me fame, but have yet to do so.

I am aiming at writing more, but I have no idea what to write, and yet everytime I ask myself "what is my maximum potential" or "who am I" I receive the answer: I am a writer. So, my next challenge is to write. I don't know what I'm afraid of, but I think it is that I will find I'm good at it.

B.

Dear B.,

I really connect with the power and attraction of the creative act, the creative path.

I too get a charge from the creative act of writing. At one point in my life I was only able to focus on this wonderful lovely 'fact' that I was 'a writer'. The rest of my life got smaller and darker and not that interesting. I didn't care, as it seemed I'd found 'It'.

Was I writing? Some of the time. Mostly I was just hooked by the charge, savouring it as if I had finally found the answer to the question I had been asking all my life - who am I?

And then, a little crack opened up in my blinkers.

Through this crack I saw that I was not a writer. I am a being who loves to write. I felt some sadness in letting go of this idea, of this new identity I had created for myself, and I also felt my life open up again, as if someone had unlocked a window and let fresh air in.

So, if someone asks me what I do, I sometimes answer "I write". It's one of the things I do. It isn't who I am. Who I am informs my writing, it's not the other way around.

If I make my writing my priority and not my whole being, then my writing will be limited. I limit myself. I suspect I will soon have nothing to write about.

If I make my art my priority, if I say this is 'who I am', then I start to die. Literally. Because it isn't the truth.

My art is a way to express who I am.

You tell me that when you ask yourself "who am I?" you receive the answer "I am a writer".

Perhaps take a moment here, breathing quietly, closing your eyes for a few minutes, and then ask yourself, who receives the answer?

I suggest that there is much more to you than acting or writing. It is not who you are. These are things you love to do. A great reason to do anything.

I suggest that if you make your home the stage, and not the world, not the universe, not the place where your feet are standing right now, you will not be present. You will not be available. You will be living in a limited way.

If you experiment with letting go of what you hold onto as being 'important', if you let go, gently, of who you think you are, you allow yourself to open up to the moment, to the fullness of what is. It is as if by letting go you become more available to life, and more available to yourself.

You say, "I don't know what I'm afraid of, but I think it is that I will find I'm good at it".

This is a whole new subject here, in one sense. Perhaps you are not so much afraid that you will be good at writing, but rather, you are afraid of what being 'good at it' means. Perhaps to you it means you will have to prove yourself, that you will have to get feedback from others that you are good. Perhaps it means to you that you will have to stay being good at it.

Phew! That feels exhausting, doesn't it! No wonder you wouldn't want to find out if it's true.

Sometimes it's easier just to presume something, and not actually test it out.

It seems to me that this isn't so much about writing for you, but about yourself. I sense you are keeping yourself in the wings, as it were, and not fully stepping out on the stage of life. You are not taking the risk of inhabiting yourself, your full self. You are not fully letting us know you are here, letting yourself know you are here. You are not taking the risk of making mistakes (there are none, you know!); you are not taking the risk of being exposed, vulnerable, without an actor's costume to hide behind, no fiction story to slip yourself into.

And, I suspect that if you want to become a famous writer you may get your wish if you are single minded enough. Will you be happy? Will you be a 'good' writer? I don't know.

If you want your highest potential, it may include writing and acting, or it may not. I'm fairly certain living your highest potential will include discovering the joy of inhabiting yourself, naked, without labels, that it will include discovering ways to express yourself that are exciting and fulfilling.

I believe you can 'have it all'. To support this, keep softening your focus, so it includes 'it all', rather than simply focusing on a one-way path to fame.

Include yourself, include the self that is not a writer, the self that is not successful or famous. Be gentle, be passionate about yourself. It's all there, in you. You already have it all.

Sandra

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