April 12, 2002, Toronto.

What is the difference between living a self-directed life and a selfish life? If I bring my attention to the moment as it exists for me, how can I be sure I'm not just 'navel gazing'?

I suspect the answer lies in my motivation. Am I turning away from what is happening 'out there' because of fear or feelings of helplessness? Do I want to change my experience by ignoring what's going on outside my door?

I've been bringing my attention inwards, away from mental activity. I've been reading Seth*, and find his words encourage me to pay attention to what he calls the 'inner senses'. As I become more in contact with these inner senses, I move through my fears and worries and connect with a place inside where they do not exist - where my sensations have no 'label'. I feel in touch with both myself and with the tangible world 'out there'. My focus becomes more present. Fears drop away.

When I'm not caught up in the swirl of my emotions everything is clearer and my choices are more loving - of others and myself.

It's fear that makes me selfish.

Whenever I'm engaged in a decision, action or a reaction, I ask myself, "Am I doing this because I'm afraid?"

What I'm doing may not appear to have anything to do with fear, yet if I really take a look, I discover fear is the emotion behind many of my actions - when I'm controlling, for example, or when I get angry. Usually the fear is about something I thinkmight happen, not about what is, in fact, happening in the present moment.

If the answer to my question is "yes, I'm afraid", I don't deny the fear, rather I gently bring my focus to what is actually happening. Then I ask myself, "Is there another possibility available to me?"

*Seth
Seth describes himself as an "energy personality essence". He spoke through a woman called Jane Roberts. The sessions began in the early sixties, and were recorded by Jane's husband, Robert. F. Butts. An enormous body of work came out of the sessions, most of which is readily available from bookstores (For example: "The Nature of the Psyche: Its Human Expression", "Seth, Dreams and Projection of Consciousness".)